Thursday, July 14, 2011
Obsessing About My Teeth
This morning I woke up and when I looked in the mirror I totally freaked. My two front teeth looked miles apart. When Janya got up I started in right away.
B - "Look at my teeth! They've grown apart!"
J - "They look the same as they always have."
B - "No. They are farther apart."
J - "Do you think they did that overnight?"
B - "Look, I can even whistle through them!"
J - "You're imagining things."
Blah, blah, blah.
I look at my teeth every day when I brush them. When did this happen? Now I don't want to open my mouth when I smile. I hope this doesn't continue, but it probably will, just like the "My chest feels grainy" discussion that we have at least once a week, sometimes more. At night, when I'm reading or playing a game on the computer in bed, I run my hand over my upper chest and it feels like there is sand on my skin.
B - "My chest feels grainy."
J - "It's not."
B - "Feel it. It's grainy."
J - "No, it's not!"
I think this may have started when I got back from the beach one day. I am not sure where the teeth thoughts came from other than I am planning on a trip to the dentist as soon as my insurance kicks in. I wonder if it includes bonding. Hmmm.
Peace,
~b~
B - "Look at my teeth! They've grown apart!"
J - "They look the same as they always have."
B - "No. They are farther apart."
J - "Do you think they did that overnight?"
B - "Look, I can even whistle through them!"
J - "You're imagining things."
Blah, blah, blah.
I look at my teeth every day when I brush them. When did this happen? Now I don't want to open my mouth when I smile. I hope this doesn't continue, but it probably will, just like the "My chest feels grainy" discussion that we have at least once a week, sometimes more. At night, when I'm reading or playing a game on the computer in bed, I run my hand over my upper chest and it feels like there is sand on my skin.
B - "My chest feels grainy."
J - "It's not."
B - "Feel it. It's grainy."
J - "No, it's not!"
I think this may have started when I got back from the beach one day. I am not sure where the teeth thoughts came from other than I am planning on a trip to the dentist as soon as my insurance kicks in. I wonder if it includes bonding. Hmmm.
Peace,
~b~
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
A Nightmare
I had a nightmare last night, one like I have not had in years. Maybe it's the medicine I'm taking, but I'm pretty sure it was a result of having watched part of the interview last night with Jaycee Dugard. When asked why she had never tried to run away, Jaycee replied with a simple "I don't know."
I didn't realize how much it troubled me until I woke up in the night from cold sweats. Jaycee suffers from what is called "Stockholm Syndrome." An emotional attachment to her captor. Look it up. It's real. While I don't have Stockholm Syndrome, I can very much relate to Jaycee because I had much love for the person who hurt me growing up. While I have many things to hate him for (my OCD, I believe, included), I still have a small percentage of disguised love sunken at the very bottom of my heart.
Bad memories are just like OCD - you push them away so deep inside that you forget they're there and then one day - poof! - they appear from nowhere. And I will attack them the way I have been taught to treat my OCD, by letting the feelings wash over me and go with them. And then they will vanish.
REALLY?
Peace,
~b~
I didn't realize how much it troubled me until I woke up in the night from cold sweats. Jaycee suffers from what is called "Stockholm Syndrome." An emotional attachment to her captor. Look it up. It's real. While I don't have Stockholm Syndrome, I can very much relate to Jaycee because I had much love for the person who hurt me growing up. While I have many things to hate him for (my OCD, I believe, included), I still have a small percentage of disguised love sunken at the very bottom of my heart.
Bad memories are just like OCD - you push them away so deep inside that you forget they're there and then one day - poof! - they appear from nowhere. And I will attack them the way I have been taught to treat my OCD, by letting the feelings wash over me and go with them. And then they will vanish.
REALLY?
Peace,
~b~
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