Wordless Wednesday

My Foot Hurts

My foot hurts. On top. I walked 3.2 miles in the AIDS Walk 2011 on Sunday. Shouldn't my feet hurt on the bottom? I think I pulled a muscle in my foot, straining it by consciously walking around so many cracks, shadows and lines!

Peace,
~b~

Tsunami

Need I say more? Another thing to feel guilty about. God bless the people of Japan.

Now Playing In My Head

Shannon is gone I heard

She's drifting out to sea.

She always liked to swim away.

Maybe she'll find an island with a shady tree

Just like the one in our back yard.

Today is going to be a very down day so it's fitting that I have been hearing this

song in my head for over three days now.

Checking In

The above sign sends me into a panic. Today I have checked my phone, I know, at least 100 times. I have it set to "silent." I constantly check to see if it's blinking. If it's not, I check to see if it was blinking and then stopped.

I have been extremely down since yesterday. I had to call my counselor, and that is something I hardly ever do. She was in the airport, but she answered anyway. I appreciated that so much. So if you're reading this, E.G., thank you very much.

Today I had to do something I wasn't happy about but really have no choice. My life is taking a turn today and I'm not sure in which direction, so that is scaring me to death and I can see my symptoms worsening by the hour.

Tonight we're going to Ash Wednesday service and then to Cafe Express. Hope that will take some of the attention off of the OCD for a few hours.

Peace,

~b~

Wordless Wednesday

Wow

This Charlie Sheen thing needs to stop. right. now. It's on all the channels day and night and I'm starting to get roped into it. Okay, I admit it. I'm already roped into it. Every hour or so I'm checking to see what Charlie is doing now. I hate it.

Remember when I told you I was obsessing about some friends' posts on Facebook? Well, I thought I'd get smart and block the posts. The only problem is that the curiosity gets the best of me and I cheat and look. So not working. I could "unfriend" but I don't want to lose friends over my OCD. Been there, done that.

I have been getting a lot more visitors here lately. Not sure why; I haven't been writing. LOL Is someone trying to tell me something?

Peace,
~b~

Tired

of being a disappointment.

Just Checking In

Haven't written in the longest time. My latest obsessions have been with friends' posts on Facebook. I don't know why I can't just let. things. go. I know J's tired of hearing about them. Do any of you obsess about FB or Twitter posts? Other than that, things are okay on the OCD front.

We are going for a quick appointment with the counselor tomorrow to check up on a few things. I have started playing softball to help me take off some weight. Life has been a whirlwind lately, getting more involved in churcha and in life in general. I decided that I have put my life on hold for two years, it's time to move on so I am. Keeping busy seems to be doing the trick, tying the OCD down, to keep it from interfering. If not for a few things in my life, I could actually say that I am happier than I have ever been.

Now Playing In My Head

The theme from The Flying Nun.

Feeling rejected by everyone today. I know tomorrow will be better. Insert Annie theme song here.

Feeling Defeated Today

My Boss

First thing Thursday morning - Conversation with my boss:

Boss: Good morning!
Me - Can you please turn the Ozarka bottle over?
Boss - Okay. You are so demanding.
Me - Sorry. I did't even say "hello." I've just got one thing on my mind.
Boss - You do that a lot.
Me - I just focus on one thing and one thing only.
Boss - Why do you do that?
Me (in my head) - I have OCD
Me (outloud) - Well, in my old age I am getting forgetful, so I keep it in front of my brain so I will remember.
Boss - Well, it's not a bad thing, really. I'm not getting on to you or anything.

Do any of your bosses know you have OCD? Have you ever wanted to tell them? It almost slipped out that day.

How I Feel Today

Now Playing In My Head

She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes. She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes. She'll be comin' 'round the mountain, she'll be comin' 'round the mountain. She'll be comin' 'round the mountain when she comes.

Well, it's more like hummin' actually.
Peace,
~b~

Wordless Wednesday

It's Over

Christmas Day is over. I made it. Thank you, God.

Crescendo

Right now I am at the top of the crescendo. I hope it doesn't get any worse. I will be glad when I can coast my way down. Thank you, Janya, for being such a good listener.

On My Mind Today

Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat Dead Cat

That is all...

Just Putting It Out There

Life is crazy right now. Last night I broke down and cried for half an hour. There is never enough time in a day. Yeah, I know you are all going to say "I told ya so. You should have ordered the meds." I don't feel great this morning, but better than yesterday.

My grandmother is in ICU in Florida, with no family around her. As soon as I heard this on Monday, my thought was "I didn't send the recap." You see, each week I mail my grandmother a recap from The Amazing Race from the Mrs. Loudshoes blog. Things have gotten so hectic around here, that I had not had time to print it out for last week's episode, so there you go. Of course, something should happen to her and I feel like it's my fault.

I have since said it outloud and on this blog. Hopefully, that will take care of it.

Yesterday, absolutely nothing could go my way - nada. Today my wish is for just one thing to: be easy, work the first time, be self-explanatory, function properly, be delivered on time by a friendly delivery person without complaints.

I picture myself manually wheeling a wheelchair (with me in it) up a steep hill. I can't get out of the wheelchair, and my progress up that hill totally depends on the weight of my load and the amount of strength I possess.

Okay. Pity party over. Back to work. I hope all of my readers have a great Thursday!

Race y'all to the top of that hill!

Peace,
~b~

On My Mind Today

Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won. Clint should have won.

Weekend Update

Janya and I snuck away for twenty-four hours for an overnight in Lake Charles. I was a lot of fun; boy, did we need it with the last few months we've had! I was a bit concerned about the flooring in the casinos causing problems with my OCD - click here to read about my panic attack in Vegas - but I did okay.

We made it out of Houston Friday afternoon with very little traffic, which put us in good moods. But then, I got a text that upset me, and my mood went downhill from there. We were pretty silent for about 30 minutes, and I was able to get my spirits back up when we realized that we were about an hour ahead of schedule.

Now, if I can just stop thinking about Clint on The Apprentice (see post above.) I brought it up in the car for the umpteenth time last night - Janya's response was, "Oh, no, here we go again" - and I made a vow to Janya that I wouldn't say it again, how he should have won, blah, blah, blah. But I told her, "I am not going to say it again, but I just want you to know that I am thinking it." Do any of you ever hear that "oh, no, here we go again" line from your family or friends?

If you want to hear more about our trip, just e-mail me, and I 'll send you a link to my personal blog. I hope to put the highlights up there soon. I try to just address OCD on Around and Around.

Peace,
~b~

Exposure Therapy

I did MAJOR exposure therapy Friday night, and I did it all by myself, no therapist! AND I am continuing it indefinitely because the items in questions have become a permanent fixture in our household. It's an everyday struggle that I hope will get better. What's my level? Around a 6 right now.

Peace,

~b~

It's 6:33 a.m. (does anyone else announce times by the minute?), and I would much rather be back wrapped in my new, warm comforter. For the second day in a row, I have to go in early. Bah!

And no nap or workout tonight, either. We are having a Toys for Tots party and there is still so much to do. I find myself looking forward to the party being over instead of it beginning. Then I can change my endless questions to past tense: Was the food okay? Did I cook enough? Did my guests have fun? Why did they leave so early? Did the apartment look okay? Was the temperature okay? Why was so-and-so so quiet? Do I have to clean all this up now?

And then afterwards, I usually analyze all the conversations I heard during the evening: I can't believe she said that. That was an interesting comment she made. Did you hear _____? Blah, blah, blah.

So why do I put myself through all this? Because parties around here are few and far between. I think the last get together we had may have even been last Christmas. So I will rock on through today and tomorrow. I'm actually so swamped at work right now that it's getting easy to push the questions to the back of my brain at times. But give me a minute's peace and quiet, and the record repeats itself. Bathroom breaks are the worst!

Hoping you all have a wonderful weekend!

Peace,

~b~

Wordless Wednesday