I had a nightmare last night, one like I have not had in years. Maybe it's the medicine I'm taking, but I'm pretty sure it was a result of having watched part of the interview last night with Jaycee Dugard. When asked why she had never tried to run away, Jaycee replied with a simple "I don't know."
I didn't realize how much it troubled me until I woke up in the night from cold sweats. Jaycee suffers from what is called "Stockholm Syndrome." An emotional attachment to her captor. Look it up. It's real. While I don't have Stockholm Syndrome, I can very much relate to Jaycee because I had much love for the person who hurt me growing up. While I have many things to hate him for (my OCD, I believe, included), I still have a small percentage of disguised love sunken at the very bottom of my heart.
Bad memories are just like OCD - you push them away so deep inside that you forget they're there and then one day - poof! - they appear from nowhere. And I will attack them the way I have been taught to treat my OCD, by letting the feelings wash over me and go with them. And then they will vanish.
REALLY?
Peace,
~b~
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