Sunday, May 29, 2011

I have picked my lip so much this week. It feels like the lips in the photo except on the other side. It is so swollen. I need to stop soon because I have a client to see on Tuesday.

My hairdresser poured Sea Breeze all over my head yesterday to help clean my head of the "roaches." Her son has OCD and she was so nice about it. I said, "You are going to think this is really weird..." but she just went on like it was nothing out of the ordinary. Made me feel so accepted. Hurt like hell, though, when the Sea Breeze landed on my ears where I have picked all the skin off. I wanted to jump out of the chair!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Baby Roach

This morning in the shower I saw on the shower curtain what appeared to be the remains of the exoskeleton of a baby roach. Now I feel like there are baby roach exoskeletons in my hair. Hope I can keep my hands away at the theater tonight. We are going to see Dr. Jekkyl and Mr. Hyde.


Caylee Anthony

May she rest in peace. I'm not sure if I have written about my obsession with this case. It was back in 2008, when everything from my life was coming to a head. I believe it as a way to keep me from confronting what was going on in my life and what was about to happedn. I watched Nancy Grace every night without fail. Most people don't like her, but it was the only place I could get my daily Caylee fix.

Part of my obsession in the beginning was that I thought I knew where Caylee was. I believed she was dead and near a picnic table. The guilt of "knowing" where she was was killing me. Who could I tell? Who would believe me? I didn't know the exact location. People would think I was crazy. It kept me awake nights, just like the guilt after a major plane crash I felt I could have prevented.

For the past year, we haven't seen much of Caylee/Casey, but now the trial has started. I plan my lunch around it. I have it on my computer everyday, cursing the phone/fax and printer when it interrupts a question or an answer. I have named Judge Perry the "Bouncing Judge" because he constantly bounces in his seat, probably from bouncing or swinging a leg, I suppose. In the morning and evening, I surf TV channels trying to find info about the trial. In my car I constantly change channels on my satellite radio when a commercial interrupts coverage. I can't believe I have to go through this for two months.

Next week I will be on staycation, busy with a client and spending time with my grandmothers. This is totally stressing me out because I know I won't be able to listen to the trial during the day. Recaps don't feel like enough. My stomach is doing flip flops just thinking about it.

As Rosanna Rosanna Danna used to say, "It's always somethin."