Saturday, October 2, 2010

In My Head Today

Today I went to my 93-yr-old grandmother's place to eat lunch with her and take her to Stein Mart for some shopping. She is starting to walk really slow now. I found myself becoming impatient with her pace, and then in my head I heard, "Don't rush her. If you do, she will die, and you will wish you hadn't."

At Stein Mart she walked and walked from display to display. We must have been in there over an hour. She couldn't find a blouse she was looking for after having returned one. I found myself picking blouses out for her, again, trying to move the slow process along. And, again, I heard, "If you rush her, she is going to die, and you will wish you hadn't."

I dropped her off on the sidewalk and watched as she walked slowly away, each painfull step hurting her knee. Wondering if it's the last time I will see her again. I hate the guilt, and one day, certainly, she will pass away. Will it be after a weekend when I "rushed her" and make me feel guilty? Or will it be after a weekend when I didn't drive the 45 miles to see her at all and make me feel guilty? Either way, I'm screwed.

And, no, we never did find a blouse she liked.

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